2021 Bite of the Dragon

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‘‘Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.’’ – Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Anger

Named by American pro-wrestler Low Ki, the Bite of the Dragon is a move that sees a wrestler stand behind an opponent with the ring ropes between them before grabbing an inverted facelock on the opponent and wrapping their legs around the opponent's body for a body scissors. As the move uses the ring ropes it is illegal under most match rules, and the attacking wrestler has to release the hold before the referee reaches a five count or be disqualified.

In life outside the wrestling ring, the Bite of the Dragon represents a long, drawn out standoff between lovers, family members, or friends. A festering conflict gone sour. Each person bound up in their own ego and pride, unable to budge from their ossified points of view. A once supportive relationship becomes an aggressive combat zone. Brothers and sisters become vindictive opponents. Violent accusations fly off the handle. Dishonest, sarcastic, rude, arrogant, unreliable, selfish, wrong. A simple misalignment of goals or values becomes a breeding ground for discord and rage. Skillful negotiation feels like an expired option. There is no space left for humility, responsibility, or accountability as the storyline each party is committed to has devolved to bad-othering, dehumanization, and blame.

Unless... we can pause to remember that anger is an intelligent emotion. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We have the option to slow down and go inward, long enough to feel where anger is living in our body. Perhaps in a clenched jaw, a fire in the chest, a twitching eyelid, restricted breath? When we can give space to the physical experience that is, there is a chance that our mind can open just a crack from the compelling storyline its rehashing. Once we have created a bit of space, there are questions about anger that may be helpful to ask ourselves:

‘‘What am I really angry about? What is the problem, and whose problem is it? How can I sort out who is responsible for what? How can I learn to express my anger in a way that will not leave me feeling helpless and powerless? When I’m angry, how can I clearly communicate my position without becoming defensive or attacking? What risks and losses might I face if I become clearer and more assertive? If getting angry is not working for me, what can I do differently?’’1

We begin to use our anger as a vehicle for a change when we are able to share our reactions without holding the other person responsible for causing our feelings, and without blaming ourselves for the reactions that other people have in response to our choices and actions. 

So what might it be like to let go of the inverted facelock and the body scissors and release the Bite of the Dragon? To try a different approach? To be with your anger and listen to the whispers of truth underneath the fits of rage it’s screaming? To put down your certainty and righteousness, just for a moment, and become curious about where this new path might lead. 

This wine loves embracing the part within you that can transcend the need to be right

Drink this after a cathartic session of shibari, the Japanese art of rope bondage often referred to as the ultimate practice of surrender

One word Release

Winemoji ✂️